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Spain: Beach bodies - Sarah Drane, Purple Cake Factory

Beach bodies

One of the issues with living on the Mediterranean is that for several months of the year far too much flesh is exposed as clothing gets skimpier to accommodate the excessive heat. The overindulgences of the winter are suddenly put on display and gym-toned Adonises flicking Frisbees along the foreshore do little for the self-esteem. Spring has sprung, it’s the downhill slope to summer and drastic times call for drastic measures.

I’m not a gym person. I would never willingly don top-to-toe lycra and flit from treadmill to exercise bike whilst working through an iPod playlist. Neither am I a running person. I get all breathy after about 200 metres and end up going on a long walk, which is probably my preferred mode of exercise, but long walks don’t give you abs or banish bingo wings. So it is at the Black Fist Dojo MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) School that I find myself three times a week being voluntarily subjected to pain.

He promised me a ‘bikini body’ in two months. That’s why I went. Under no other normal circumstances would I find myself in a jaded gymnasium bedecked in a pair of boxing gloves trying to land a roundhouse kick into my partner’s ribs. It’s so inelegant and far from ladylike. But to be fair, a month into his promise, leader of Black Fist Dojo Gary McMeechan is already delivering results. The muscles are tightening and the curves becoming more sculpted - and so they should after all my efforts.

See, not only was Gary ‘2008 Thai Boxing Champion Mallorca’ but he was also a PTI (Physical Training Instructor) and Unarmed Combat specialist with the Royal Horse Artillery. The martial artist formerly known as Lance-Bombardier may have wandered back onto Civvy Street but he hasn’t lost any of his military charm. He shouts “don’t think about the pain” when we’re doing our millionth press up, “pain is only weakness leaving the body” when we’re crying about our billionth stomach crunch and “you’re only cheating yourselves if you give up” when the skipping rope has gone round the trillionth time. And, of course he’s right. No pain, no gain.

Weirdly, it’s becoming addictive. This fitno-phobe is morphing into a “can’t miss a session” MMA freak who leaves the class on a high of endorphins. I practice my Muay Thai moves on innocent drinking buddies in the pub and even catch myself doing a few sets of sit- and push-ups around the apartment. It’s amazing what the guarantee of beach body confidence can do for the motivation levels.

Sadly there is one huge downside to all this. It’s not cost; classes work out at less than four euros a session. It’s not time; the freelance nature of my work means I can adapt my timetable around three one and a half hour classes a week. The negative is actually a by-product of the martial arts activity. What Gary didn’t tell me was that whilst the body may indeed tone up, the effect would be ruined by a constant constellation of purple bruises… not the most attractive ‘look’ for Summer 2010.

Sarah Drane

Sarah is the proprietor of Purple Cake Factory, an Award-winning company that specializes in real estate, marine and travel PR.

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